Posts (page 2)

This week has been pretty mixed. I never got that lovely day to myself that I so desperately needed. Consequently, I ended up going home from work pretty early every day and feeling even worse about that. I applied to StateU & am trying to while away the hours until they decide the fate of my year by studying up on digestion. The hospital lady still hasn't told me anything about volunteering, I forgot to call my research prof (more things for next week) and despite being paid Thursday, I have a cool $50 left for the next 2 weeks. I completely shrugged off my diet, slept in a lot, and have been generally apathetic towards everything. Depression, anyone?

The better half of my story is that today, the curse of the shin splint magically lifted tonight and I went for a short (non-strenuous) jog. And I must say I'm better for the rest. I jogged longer than I think I ever have continuously. I'm really trying just to create a running habit in myself again. I can make a to-do list of 20 things and do the other 19, but if I don't run that day, I just don't feel like I got everything done. I feel guilty when I can't/don't run, because I know I'm just ignoring something that always makes me feel good. I just wish everything else would fall into place. And that next week will be a better week.

I'm having a hell of a week. All I want to do is stay in my house and have a little "me" time, but I work every day. I just want a day to chill out and relax before all this whirlwind stuff takes hold. Research, volunteering, my current job, the job I will soon need to get.. and I haven't even been able to drag ass out of bed to run at all. So I must be getting 2/3 my energy from coffee because I haven't been eating healthy at all, nor running, nor sleeping well. It's not even stress, I just want a couple of hours to breathe so I can collect myself. I need to take a mini-trip.

In exactly 1 month I will be 21. And probably drunk.

Why, when she asked me what field I wanted to shadow, did I say "Anything, really."? Why didn't I say IM, or surgery, or EM or something?? And why did she get snippy with me because I called her back 15 minutes after she called? Even though I was in bed, that was a I-just-missed-you-I-was-showering lapse of time.. ehh. I don't think too well before coffee anymore. At least I gave her the right work #.

I tried to sit down and study fetal respiration last night.. that was an exercise in futility if there ever was one. I spaced out halfway through how the blood shunts past the liver and I was a goner from that moment on. Embryology is tough.

Saw KNocked Up-- it was really, really good. Laughed til I cried in the funny parts, almost cried in the serious parts.

Sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, drinking coffee, reading through the medical blogosphere. I feel like this will never be me -- I'm still 7 years away. I'm still happy though, because to be graduating soon I would've had to have started school right after I got out of school, something I was not at all interested in. And had I been in school, I probably would've mucked around, aimlessly gone from class to class with no idea of what I wanted to be. I'm a Johnny-come-lately to medicine. When I was a kid I did have that little black Fisher Price bag with doctor toys, but all I wanted to do is take the stethascope, put it in my brother's ears and yell into it. How's that for bedside manner?

Seven years isn't all that bad, right? It's better than eight.

In other news, I really really want to see Knocked Up. Maybe I'll go today.

Finally got ahold of someone at the hospital about volunteering. I was worried, because on their website it sounded like the volunteers barely got to do anything except very, very minute silly things. It made the impression of being along the lines of "Hey, I think we ran out of styrofoam cups by the coffee maker. Will you replace them?" However, when I called I mentioned I was pre-med and she asked me if I wanted to volunteer or shadow, which didn't really seem too different to me, but apparently they set you up with a doctor in the area you want to go into. So now my problem is: what kind of doctor would I want to shadow? (and will I be allowed to have the all-important patient care experience?) If I go into surgery would I faint? Would I be bored in a family clinic? Would the ER freak me out? I sort of assumed the whole idea behind the experience thing was that you glean what you'd like to go into by weeding out what doesn't exactly capture your interest. I have no frame of reference whatsoever. I haven't even seen that many doctors in my life. (3 visits in eight years?) I've never undergone surgery, so I don't even know how that is in real life. I don't want to be a pediatrician, I'm pretty sure, but I can't tell.

Every field has advantages and setbacks. My real problem is that I want to know everything, and medicine is becoming more and more specialized. And I'm far from thinking that that's a bad thing, I'd rather see a doctor trained in a specific field than one who knows a little bit about everything, but I can't even decide a general area of the ballpark I want to swing for. (..baseball refrences?) I mean peds would be really interesting, but it's hard enough to see regular sick people, let alone children. I don't know if I'm talented enough for surgery. I thought I wanted to be in IM but when I think about it, I kind of don't. I'll probably be interested in radiology one day, but today is not that day. Neurology seems great, but then again I kind of want to work with.. you know, bodies. (Could this make any less sense?)

But in any case, I feel like just calling them lifted a weight from my shoulders. I've been so freaked out and overwhelmed lately, I don't even know where to start. I mean this college I want to apply for seems huge, and you barely even had to apply for the college I'm in now. I feel so lost. All at once I feel like nothing can happen fast enough and that it's already going too fast for me to stand. Everything is simultaneously getting easier and harder. I just hope I can think of something over the weekend when they ask who I want to shadow. Now all I have to do is apply for school, apply for jobs, and apply myself to studying.

I've recently developed an enjoyment of Scrubs. (I guess I just didn't get it before.)

Anyway, reading medical blogs on medscape and etc. makes me want to have my own record of my pre-medical journey (short or long as it may be..). But as a pre-med, nothing really interesting happens to you. I can't say I had to cut someone open and was terrified or I cried when I realized someone I was observing was dying. A pre-med blog would sound like this:

"oh man, I stayed up all night studying Organic Chemistry."

And it would only go downhill from there. I'm only beginning to realize that studying and test drama will take up the bulk of my next couple of years. I mean, I knew it in that brain way, but I didn't know it in that test-your-will-heart way. Not to make as though I am deterred. I spent Friday evening alone at home while my boyfriend played in a bar. I studied an MCAT biology book. I wasn't upset then, nor am I now. (I'm being groomed to lack proper social life and skills - for my survival over the next few years). There are times when I feel really frustrated knowing that I can't just glide by, drink beer and barely make it. Along with those antisocial studyholic tendencies, I seem to be developing a perfectionist attitude, and I know that settling for beer over grades will never make me happy.

 I just can't really get a grip on how fast things are going, and I'm a little scared at how much faster they'll go, because from all outward appearances, things are going relatively slow for me. I'll volunteer this summer and do research, I'll go to school in the fall in a place way harder, I'll already be a sophomore. That means I'm going to have to cram in as much science as soon as possible. And it's never too early to study for MCATs right?? (or at least refresh what you've forgotten along the way..) I just feel as though I live my life on the verge, and kind of like this is all a cute joke that people expect me to snap out of. But I'll declare it now: I'm not almost a pre-medical student. I am one. And up until now, even that has been a big deal. Even that has made me the butt of jokes and rudeness. I've had a long time to think about it, and I have longer to think about it, but I'm almost certain of the answer.

The best pre-medical news I have is that I gave blood last week and needles no longer make me irrationally nervous. At least that's something?

What was your favorite TV season finale this year? 
Submitted by Kristine.

My favorite season finale this year was the only one I really watched: Reno 911! All of it was brilliant: the wedding, the kilts ("you are the bridesmaids."), the cake push, the two firemen, and Garcia. My beloved, beloved Garcia. By the halfway mark of the show I'd pretty much called the ending, but it was still hilarious to see it. After the movie's unexpected mediocrity and the whole season being hit-or-miss, the finale really set everything off. I love how all of their season finales are parodies of 'dramatic' sweeps ploys. Last year's was good.. but this one was really good.

I wish I'd watched The Office. I love that show, but always seem to forget to keep up with it (probably because I never watch the major networks).

Edit: I forgot I'd watched Top Designer this year too. That was a really good finale. Based on the last episode I think Carissa should've won (that bed was so sweet), but for overall season then Matt was definitely the right choice.

Here I am!