the beginning of an odd week

After I saw the man die in the hospital on Thurs, I was pretty shaken up. I had a few good cries over it that night and decided not to go back to the hospital on Friday. Everyone I told I felt like they were secretly calculating all these things about me, if she didn't even know this guy and she's this upset, how will she handle it? Watching people helplessly doesn't seem like something that would get easier. Ever since Thursday, I've had a secret inner dread about going back to the hospital. But today as I was in work, the woman who oversees our department came in and told me my boss had had a heart attack & was in the hospital. So my boyfriend & I rushed to the hospital to see him. He seems okay and everyone seems cautiously optimistic. Stents for blockage and so on. As I sat there in the ICU with him I kept thinking about how I didn't ask him enough questions when he told me about his chest pain. All these questions and explainations I should've asked for became immediately clear to me. I know it's not my job or training and anything more than a "go see the doctor" could be dangerous, but I should've pushed for him to push the doctors more. I felt like I hadn't done enough. And it sounds strange, but it dug me out of my hospital rut. I'd like to see if I can shadow an ICU doctor now. Maybe a cardiologist.

Otherwise, all there is to say is that it's too damn hot.