a day in the life

To say that my experience shadowing has been underwhelming would be something of an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I've still got that new-pre-med-"fresh meat"-smell that means I get excited at being able to go into the hospital for anything other than an admission, but the hospital I'm at is rural to say the least and not exactly familiar with my type. (That type also being pre-med.) So I ended up being a nurse's shadow. Which is cool. I can definitely now understand why nurses garner more respect than doctors in these here parts. I have a pretty good idea of what nurses do now; unfortunately, I still don't have a good idea of what the doctors do (besides be dicks).

Now, I'll start this off by saying I have starry eyes, I don't deny that. I'm a pre-med with some of the biggest stars in my eyes you've ever seen, the word "cynical" doesn't exist in my medical dictionary yet. I know it's not "cool" to not be cynical about modern medicine, but let's face it: I'm not. I have plenty of time to be cynical when it's deserving: say my attendings are horrendous, I'm overworked, overtired, and cramming for tests. Right now I'm perfectly happy being an unapologetically excited student, even though I think I have an accurate idea of the medical profession unaided by tv drama and books. Let's just say, I thought the whole ER experience would be a little more glamorous and exciting. By glamourous I mean: colleagues trading new medical findings and discussing cases. And by exciting I mean: more than 8 patients complaining of 2-week-long constipation. Is this really what constitutes an ER? Doctors sitting behind a computer & barely seeing patients for 3-5 minutes, even though it's incredibly slow? Was my idea of medicine so romanticized that I thought every once in a while a doctor discussed an interesting case rather than bitching at nurses about hospital protocol for 10 minutes?

I had such a hard time relating to anyone as well. I just felt.. in the way. Some parts of it were really exhilerating (maybe one day it will be me behind the computer?) and some really exhausting (I'm already sick of the condescending attitudes.) I certainly earned a new respect for nurses, because all of them did what they could to help and guide me around, even when they were cynical, I understood. How could I not, having been sick of it for the couple of hours I was there? I had a big feeling last night that this would really be a test on my perception of real medicine and how it will affect me. I know that all who have gone before look at this unimpressed medical machine and say, "Not I. Never will I end up this cynical and angry at patients." But let's face it, who knows where I'll be 20 years from now? Nobody starts off thinking "I can't wait until I'm comfortably jaded with this whole process." No one thinks, "helping people be damned, I just want to do what I can to seem competant at medicine and maybe lecture a few druggies along the way." But it frequently is the reality in medicine. As for today, I'm just waiting for tomorrow to really make a judgement. Emergency departments are pretty malleable, right?